not to funny but safest i know for fourm lol
The Husband Store
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance: -
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited.
haha, star thats an awesomeness joke 
i could tell various chicken crossing road jokes etc. but they're not really very funny, all my good jokes are too rude for our lovely and clean public forum XD
i could tell various chicken crossing road jokes etc. but they're not really very funny, all my good jokes are too rude for our lovely and clean public forum XD
"It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."- Saint Augustine
these 2 guys are stranded in the forest. they build camp and one guy says "im gonna go get us some food"
so he stats to walk into the forest. he comes back about 2 hours later with a dead deer. the other guy says "wow, howd u do that?"
"i followed the tracks and caught the deer"
the next morning the same guy says "im gonna go get us some breakfast". he comes back 2 hours later with 2 dead rabbits. the second guy is overwhlemed "howd u do that again, ur a hunting natural"
"no, i just follow the tracks and get the food"
so that night the second guy says "im gonna go and see if i can catch us something to eat"
about 6 hours later the guy comes back bruised, bleeding and with a number of broken bones. the first guy says "wow, wut the hell happened to u?" and the guy says "i followed the tracks and got hit by a train......"
so he stats to walk into the forest. he comes back about 2 hours later with a dead deer. the other guy says "wow, howd u do that?"
"i followed the tracks and caught the deer"
the next morning the same guy says "im gonna go get us some breakfast". he comes back 2 hours later with 2 dead rabbits. the second guy is overwhlemed "howd u do that again, ur a hunting natural"
"no, i just follow the tracks and get the food"
so that night the second guy says "im gonna go and see if i can catch us something to eat"
about 6 hours later the guy comes back bruised, bleeding and with a number of broken bones. the first guy says "wow, wut the hell happened to u?" and the guy says "i followed the tracks and got hit by a train......"
Q:How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A:From a catalogue
Q:What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.
A:From a catalogue
Q:What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about
having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they
always
wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful
father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified
at the
ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this
baby. Look
at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled
sweetly and
replied: "Not this time!"
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all
over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you,"
she
said, "pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I
liked it so I
got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a
sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I
stood
like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damn
thing."
about
having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they
always
wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful
father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified
at the
ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this
baby. Look
at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled
sweetly and
replied: "Not this time!"
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all
over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you,"
she
said, "pretend you're a statue."
"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I
liked it so I
got one for us, too."
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a
sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I
stood
like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damn
thing."
