It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, antony, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly relieved, antony slapped a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his bed-friend, david. antony had known david for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. david was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little... annoying. antony called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
david picked up to a very unhappy antony. david calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually wildly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting antony. Why was david trying to distract antony? Because he had snuck out from antony's with the diary only nine days prior. It was a curious little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before antony got back to the subject at hand: his diary. david grimaced. Relunctantly, david invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. antony grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, david realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if antony took the spaceship, he had take at least nine minutes before antony would get there. But if he took the shoe? Then david would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, david was interrupted by four funny-smelling Care Bears that were lured by his diary. david belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he randomly reached for his banana and thoughtfully deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the shoe rolling up. It was antony.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, antony was out of the shoe and went indiscriminately jaunting toward david's front door. Meanwhile inside, david was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his time machine. david was worried but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' david sassily purred. With a apt push, antony opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted rationality-deprived retard in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' david assured him. antony took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where david had hidden the diary. david sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But antony was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, david noticed a abrasive look on antony's face. antony slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
david felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when antony asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on antony's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. antony nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before david could react, antony aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
antony stared at david for what what must've been five hours. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, david groped explosively in antony's direction, clearly desperate. antony grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. david let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, antony,' he rebuked. david always had been a little abrasive, so antony knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before david did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
david looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from antony. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for antony. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. david walked over to the window and looked down. antony was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, antony was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind david's place. antony had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to antony. Already weakened from his injury, antony yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
About four hours later, antony awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and antony did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy secret vineyard, antony was abundantly lost. A few freaknasty minutes later, he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy Care Bear emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha Care Bear. antony opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into antony's prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from antony's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, david was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a heroic thrust, he buried it deeply into his prostate. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about antony... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LoL please make coments on this story >.>
david picked up to a very unhappy antony. david calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually wildly yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting antony. Why was david trying to distract antony? Because he had snuck out from antony's with the diary only nine days prior. It was a curious little diary... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before antony got back to the subject at hand: his diary. david grimaced. Relunctantly, david invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. antony grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, david realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the diary and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if antony took the spaceship, he had take at least nine minutes before antony would get there. But if he took the shoe? Then david would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, david was interrupted by four funny-smelling Care Bears that were lured by his diary. david belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling exasperated, he randomly reached for his banana and thoughtfully deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the shoe rolling up. It was antony.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, antony was out of the shoe and went indiscriminately jaunting toward david's front door. Meanwhile inside, david was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the diary into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his time machine. david was worried but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' david sassily purred. With a apt push, antony opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted rationality-deprived retard in a curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala),' he lied. 'It's fine,' david assured him. antony took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where david had hidden the diary. david sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But antony was distracted. Giggling like schoolgirl, david noticed a abrasive look on antony's face. antony slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
david felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when antony asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the diary right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A selfish look started to form on antony's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. antony nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before david could react, antony aptly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
antony stared at david for what what must've been five hours. In a blinding moment of misguided bravado, david groped explosively in antony's direction, clearly desperate. antony grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. david let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, antony,' he rebuked. david always had been a little abrasive, so antony knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before david did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
david looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from antony. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for antony. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. david walked over to the window and looked down. antony was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, antony was struggling to make his way through the fanstic pumpkin patch behind david's place. antony had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to antony. Already weakened from his injury, antony yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
About four hours later, antony awoke, his ear throbbing. It was dark and antony did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy secret vineyard, antony was abundantly lost. A few freaknasty minutes later, he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a teensy Care Bear emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha Care Bear. antony opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into antony's prostate. With a faint groan, the life escaped from antony's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, david was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened potato. With a heroic thrust, he buried it deeply into his prostate. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about antony... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(
LoL please make coments on this story >.>
Last edited by Kenshin on Sun Mar 11, 2007 11:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
