So I've been spending a lot of time thinking about some things and talking about it with some of the members so I think I'm finally ready to post it here. Since I don't know where to post this it's going here unless moved. This will be directed toward the KR members but I know non-KR will see this also.
I'll start from the beginning that's usually a good spot. I have wanted to be in KR for a very long time. I remember when I was younger first starting on Jedi Academy I was jumping around servers a lot trying to find what I liked or didn't like. There are a select few that did stand out to me and I have or had played at for a substantial amount of time. A few examples of those servers being KR, CoF and TNA. TNA was the first server I had ever joined when I had first set foot into what is now my favorite game. I met a lot of cool people and learned how to play there. Soon after I found KR. I once again met great people whether clan members or guests of the server. I would continue going to these servers for as long as they were or are being hosted.
After playing the game long enough (or atleast what I thought was long enough) and after learning about what other types of servers there are. For example TFFA, FFA, CTF, Lugormod I started exploring other servers. No matter what other servers had to offer I always found myself coming back to those main three servers. Nothing could compare to the draw I had to them and being on the game gave me a real escape from school at the time.
About 4 years after I had first started playing the game I joined TNA. While the server wasn't very active anymore I had been playing there long enough that I wanted to be a part of that community and I didn't want to see it fade away like other servers before it. I applied and about a week later I got accepted into the clan. I couldn't have been happier joining somewhere I had been a guest on for such a long time. With about the 8 active members that were still there including myself the server and clan finally started to grow again. A couple months after I had joined the clan we had a few new people apply to join and I was filled with joy to see what meant so much to me prosper. Unfortunately that would be short lived since 5-7 months into being in the clan they would shut down due to activity going down and people going to other servers.
Even though I was upset at the loss of what meant so much to me I wasn't about to just quit what had so quickly become my favorite game. I started playing at KR more which led me to finding some more amazing people who I now consider my friends. I would jump around clans for a few years until I finally got my first real job. A short time after having this job I found a hosting site that could host a JKA server for me. Still upset with the loss of TNA I decided I wanted to bring it back. I got permission to host it from the previous owner and leaders of the clan and so I did. It was going well until I had life slap me in the face and I could no longer host the server.
Now for why I'm really writing all of this. I wanted to put in a little context for the next things I'm about to say.
KR has been such an amazing community to be a part of. Whether as a guest or a member there's no community Id rather be apart of than this one. I know my past has a lot of negativities and I'm not proud of a lot of the things I've done. I am writing this to openly admit my wrongs to you the KR Family. I am ashamed of my actions towards the clan but I am not ashamed to admit it in front of the whole community. How I left was cold and seemingly uncaring. There is no excuse good enough I could put on here to justify why I left the way I did. It was just an impulse of wanting to bring something back that I had cared so much for in the past that seeing old friends from years ago made me impulse leave to go host something that would inevitably fail. I do care for this community and I have enjoyed being a part of it. I am full of guilt for have leaving the clan. One of the reasons I left was because of not understanding how admin was structured. I was stupid to not have asked what I needed to before I left the clan. Something so easily as understanding why an admin can or cannot take action against something should've been asked before I made a rash decision to leave. While in TNA in 2017 I had gotten used to the owner and clan leader of the clan just trolling a rule breaker so when I joined KR I didn't understand why someone couldn't have been slept or kicked for blatantly trolling guests or members. Though I understand now after talking to some of the members. I aswell feel guilty for having been on call with some friends and saying some confidential things in a public space about someone who KR had shown interest in. I feel very guilty for leaving KR to go re-host what had been a dead clan for a very long time with some ex-clan members that didn't even show up after I had started hosting it again. I know I have hurt some of my friends in the process which above everything else on this page hurts the most. I was so blinded by nostalgia from seeing old friends from a clan I was once a part of that I just.. went for it without a second thought. Obviously that was a horrible decision and I feel only guilt and sorrow for what I had caused in such a way to hurt people I cared very much for. I am sorry to everyone who put aside negative emotions or had helped so much to let me in the family. Because it is apparent to me that's what this is. It isn't just random people cluttered into a tag this a family where everyone cares about each other. I am sorry to those I have hurt in the process of my bad decision making and I hope this post will atleast show that I do have remorse for what I've done.
~Reftor
I'll start from the beginning that's usually a good spot. I have wanted to be in KR for a very long time. I remember when I was younger first starting on Jedi Academy I was jumping around servers a lot trying to find what I liked or didn't like. There are a select few that did stand out to me and I have or had played at for a substantial amount of time. A few examples of those servers being KR, CoF and TNA. TNA was the first server I had ever joined when I had first set foot into what is now my favorite game. I met a lot of cool people and learned how to play there. Soon after I found KR. I once again met great people whether clan members or guests of the server. I would continue going to these servers for as long as they were or are being hosted.
After playing the game long enough (or atleast what I thought was long enough) and after learning about what other types of servers there are. For example TFFA, FFA, CTF, Lugormod I started exploring other servers. No matter what other servers had to offer I always found myself coming back to those main three servers. Nothing could compare to the draw I had to them and being on the game gave me a real escape from school at the time.
About 4 years after I had first started playing the game I joined TNA. While the server wasn't very active anymore I had been playing there long enough that I wanted to be a part of that community and I didn't want to see it fade away like other servers before it. I applied and about a week later I got accepted into the clan. I couldn't have been happier joining somewhere I had been a guest on for such a long time. With about the 8 active members that were still there including myself the server and clan finally started to grow again. A couple months after I had joined the clan we had a few new people apply to join and I was filled with joy to see what meant so much to me prosper. Unfortunately that would be short lived since 5-7 months into being in the clan they would shut down due to activity going down and people going to other servers.
Even though I was upset at the loss of what meant so much to me I wasn't about to just quit what had so quickly become my favorite game. I started playing at KR more which led me to finding some more amazing people who I now consider my friends. I would jump around clans for a few years until I finally got my first real job. A short time after having this job I found a hosting site that could host a JKA server for me. Still upset with the loss of TNA I decided I wanted to bring it back. I got permission to host it from the previous owner and leaders of the clan and so I did. It was going well until I had life slap me in the face and I could no longer host the server.
Now for why I'm really writing all of this. I wanted to put in a little context for the next things I'm about to say.
KR has been such an amazing community to be a part of. Whether as a guest or a member there's no community Id rather be apart of than this one. I know my past has a lot of negativities and I'm not proud of a lot of the things I've done. I am writing this to openly admit my wrongs to you the KR Family. I am ashamed of my actions towards the clan but I am not ashamed to admit it in front of the whole community. How I left was cold and seemingly uncaring. There is no excuse good enough I could put on here to justify why I left the way I did. It was just an impulse of wanting to bring something back that I had cared so much for in the past that seeing old friends from years ago made me impulse leave to go host something that would inevitably fail. I do care for this community and I have enjoyed being a part of it. I am full of guilt for have leaving the clan. One of the reasons I left was because of not understanding how admin was structured. I was stupid to not have asked what I needed to before I left the clan. Something so easily as understanding why an admin can or cannot take action against something should've been asked before I made a rash decision to leave. While in TNA in 2017 I had gotten used to the owner and clan leader of the clan just trolling a rule breaker so when I joined KR I didn't understand why someone couldn't have been slept or kicked for blatantly trolling guests or members. Though I understand now after talking to some of the members. I aswell feel guilty for having been on call with some friends and saying some confidential things in a public space about someone who KR had shown interest in. I feel very guilty for leaving KR to go re-host what had been a dead clan for a very long time with some ex-clan members that didn't even show up after I had started hosting it again. I know I have hurt some of my friends in the process which above everything else on this page hurts the most. I was so blinded by nostalgia from seeing old friends from a clan I was once a part of that I just.. went for it without a second thought. Obviously that was a horrible decision and I feel only guilt and sorrow for what I had caused in such a way to hurt people I cared very much for. I am sorry to everyone who put aside negative emotions or had helped so much to let me in the family. Because it is apparent to me that's what this is. It isn't just random people cluttered into a tag this a family where everyone cares about each other. I am sorry to those I have hurt in the process of my bad decision making and I hope this post will atleast show that I do have remorse for what I've done.
~Reftor
